Below you will find a collection of stories and poems written by some of the bravest people I have ever met: people who are willing to break any rule (especially their own!) to move from survival to life, brave people who dare to change their relationship with fear.
Warning: These articles were written during a Fear Club session and contain the specific energy of the Bright Principle of Love, Discovery and Clarity.
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Dear Fear,
I have been running away from you for so long. Without you, I could pretend to be strong. I could get along. I could cross all the boundaries of myself to belong. Without you, I also stop singing songs. I stopped trying things because I could get wrong.
Ah, the hell of right and wrong. It became one of my prisons. Made my inner landscape flat and dry as dust. Dark. Black. Mostly like walking on the desert of dull sand. Without you I had lived my life toneless. Normal. Moving on to the next thing and the next thing, because life is like this. Money don't grow in trees. Life is hard, keep moving.
I related to you for so long as a black box of the airplain that when it crashes it gets discovered. It is like an old romance when the pieces of my broken heart can meet again.
They sold me a propaganda of you that made me not want to buy you at all. It made me think that you were the worst product on the shelf because never no one spoke about you of touched you. The price of ignoring you became higher than ever.
I locked you in my muscles so that you would not get me into trouble. I'm sorry for how I dared to use everything from drugs to work to send you away. But you are persistent, you are energy. You never desapered. And I hated you for so long for that
Today I'm learning to love you. I'm learning to love your unexpected moves that crash the certainty of what my next step is. I'm learning to love your unpredictability and your wildness. I'm learning to love your power to see the invisible and sometimes look crazy for creating reactions and chaos everywhere. I'm learning to love your thunder that crashes through the sky of what is possible and makes life glow like in the eyes of a newborn. You are a lighthouse that lights the way for what I don't dare to see and invent. You show me the next step, and when I put my feet off the ground, you just build it up out of nothing. I love you. Welcome home
I'm committed to writing about you in a book and revealing your hidden powers so that other people can become alive in life and they can get a chance to change their minds about being dead in life. I appreciate you for being big, wild, unsold, inhibited, fierce and alive.
Love, Sourceress
Gabriela Fagundes
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Dear Fear,
You never went far, you stayed hidden so close. At first you were just there, leading me from this to that, yes, no, maybe. Don't touch that bug, reach out for this one, fall off the bike, try again. Fear, you were there, oh so present and sharp.
Fast forward to kindergarten and I was wondering what is death, what does it mean to die, how does it stop? I could not comprehend what it meant to die, to lie in a box underground forever, what is forever. Curiosity without understanding, then fear appeared. You said let's not think about that, that's not okay, let's stick to what we can understand, I said okay.
Then the thunderstorm, alone, dark, these forces of nature unknown. Running to my parents' door. Fear of dying and fear of opening the door, what other death would that be? How could the fear of opening the door be greater than the fear of dying? How could fear, which had guided me for so long, now lead me away from myself, from what I needed?
Fear said it was more important to appear okay than to be okay, and I said okay. We'll suffer alone and wait until the light shines in the morning, I said okay. The fear started sharp, now it is becoming diffuse. It says hold your breath, don't speak. Stay in your room, stare at the screen. Don't eat for your body, eat for your emotions. And it doesn't matter what you're interested in, just study to get good grades. That's kind of hard on anxiety.
Fear also got me into school, a nice job, and an apartment. Fear brought security. That security came at a price. I no longer want to pay that price, not all of it, maybe just part of it.
Fear has become such a big, opaque cloud, and now it is raining. It is raining sadness and now I see. I see what staying in that cloud did to me. The rain is falling and new life is growing. As parts of my being begin to show.
Anonymous
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A Letter from Fear,
I keep you alive and awake to what is real. I travel to every inch of your body. I give you messages in a flash. For you know that I am you and you are me. I gave you the strength to run from that man when you were 5 years old. I gave you the strength to keep going when your life partner left you and your world collapsed and your heart broke in two. To stay alive. To be a parent. To rebuild your life. To listen to who you are and what you want. Allow me to flood you, to be an integral part of your navigation. I love you and I connect you to everything in this universe and beyond. As I inhabit your being, you are inherently part of all that exists and all that has ever been.
I am your connection to all this and more. I ignite your fire of anger. I am your torch to illuminate your life. Open your heart and allow Me to live within you. In all of you. Awaken every cell. There is so much more than anything this world can imagine. I am the doorway to that place of infinite possibilities. Unfolding the universe that is you in this life. Endless and unlimited potential. I can unfold if you open up to me. Breathe me in. Accept me. Allow me to live within you. I awaken you to all that you are and more. Hold me, embrace me and live all of you in all of life. This is the gift I bring to you...to live fully awake and real and alive.
Written by Karen Church
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A Story About Fear
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to be good. She wanted to be good so much that she learned to be bad. She learned to be bad and sad and mad so that she could live from the true whole full being that god gave her. By being god she became good. She realized she had always been good — in her joy, in her sadness, in her anger, in her fear.
After a few years, she realized that she did not need to be good in order to be good. She only needed to be true. And in this she became great. When she realized that she did not need to be good, when she allowed herself to follow her desires, fully, completely, and beautifully, she became great.
Then one day, as she was walking beside a lake, a beautiful swan came up to her and told her its life story of once being seen as an ugly duckling. “No one knew I was a baby swan, you see, and everyone wrote me off as an ugly duckling.” She learned that swans grow into their beauty when they are allowed to become who they are. She thanked the swan as she skipped and jumped away.
A little further down the road, she met a baby big mouth frog who told her the long winding story of being so fully himself asking everyone he met “hi, I’m a baby big mouth frog, I like to eat flies, what do you like to eat?” Until he met a snake who said he like to eat baby big mouth frogs and then he learned in his impeccable wisdom that sometimes, it is wise to hide who you are in the dangers of life. Sometimes, it is not safe to be yourself. The baby big mouth frog respond “oh” in a tiny voice, making his mouth as small as possible to hide who he really was and be less appetizing to the snake.
From this, the young girl learned that sometimes, a moment calls for us to hide our light but primarily and most importantly, life calls us to reveal our light and learn to live with the consequences — big and small, beautiful and challenging. She thanked the frog and the swan and kept walking. Finally, she came across a young woman who was seated between two men on a bench. She noticed that the young woman was leaning away from a man who was leaning towards her and leaning towards a man who was leaning away from her, engrossed in conversation with another woman. She pulled the woman aside and asked “who are you attracted to?” The woman said “I’m attracted to the man I was leaning away from.” “Well, the little girl asked, why do you lean away?” The young woman said “I am afraid to show him my desire so I hide it by leaning away.”
The young girl walked away puzzled by the complications of adults and vowed never to hide her desire or her fear no matter what the consequences or the circumstances. The end.
Written by Rosemary Jaye
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Dear Fear
Meteors fell from the sky like silk worms into the ground far below, as the meteors fell great streams of molten rock streaked across the sky. The screams and cries of the people below echoed around the world, on this fateful day a child was born. On that fateful day, a child died. One lived and one died. Two twins who would never grow old together.
The beginning of the end was born and died that day. The silkworms, new on this day, would come long before the humanoids. They knew, they left clues in silken letters written with desperation and love... and yet no one listened, no one listened for years, for decades, for a hundred years, no one listened... and the day finally came.
This is the story of the child born on the day of death foretold by the Silk People. The child born of two mothers, the child born with a sibling he would never know except through her embrace in the room.
This child would grow up in a world different from its parents. A world different from any world his ancestors had seen before him. He would be tested. His ancestors seemed so far away and yet they were close to him. They knew and loved him and wanted him to be happy and live fully.
This child learned to live by shutting himself off from the world. He learned to live by shutting down the pain of his feelings and blocking out the power that came with them.
He learned to entice people with his natural instinct to play and be joyful, but eventually as the new world, the world in its dying breath, living at the end of the world became too much. Too much to cry about, too much to be afraid and angry about, and the pressure grew. If he held it in, it grew, if he pushed it down, it grew and grew and grew. Until one day he could no longer play. Until the swamp of illness and depression swelled him up.
The most terrible thing was to feel the extent of what was in this boy's heart, but now that would be his only way to survive, to survive the end of the world, he had to feel the pain of this world. The only way to truly connect and find his power would be to open his heart.
Anonymous
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Dear Fear
Forget what you know.
Could you?
Invert your universe.
So stuck in a tiny little world.
And there's everything to start your engine.
There are more adventures than time can tell.
Your dear friend. How deep you can go.
How far you can go from home.
An easy way to flow when the sun is about to blow.
Your eyes, your heart.
Move it. Pass it to the wind. Rattle it.
See it for what it is worth. A beautiful ocean smiles into your nose.
What are you going to do? How can you love? And be safe at same time?
That's another childish dream.
Whatever you are going for, you better take a step back.
You better take it back. Better fly with the wind.
And lose yourself even more.
Until you smile with nothing to think about, nothing to lose, nothing to hide.
Written by Karol Nowakowsk
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Fear is my new home
You've been my greatest enemy so far
I despised you
I wanted to kill myself
because I thought too much of you
I believed that "I was not enough" to overcome you.
unless I started to connect with your warmth
because you are not cold
you are not at war with me
You are the greatest starter of many projects.
You are the accelerator I need to push forward
and release the desires I want to manifest into the world.
I know a little more of your warmth
yet you are imperceptible, inaccessible, unreachable
I connect only when I am with you:
immanent, intangible and fragile
like a leaf falling with sharp edges
cutting the bullshit : mine and others
I was born with incredible speed
that I learned to temper
to survive days and years of misery
now that the trail has passed
Now that the dark spaceship called colonialism
has rolled over me
I know I am no longer your enemy
forever - hopefully - yours
- Dedicated to all who have this child survival strategy of slowing down.
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